I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
