Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
