eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
