Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
