yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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