just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
