also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
