If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
