he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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