I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
