He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
