I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
