the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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