while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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