His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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