addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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