Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
