sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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