Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
