Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
