I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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