This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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