I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
His nipple licking is glorious
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