we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
