the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
