Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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