Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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