I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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