My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
