dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
