that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
