He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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