There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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