I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
