I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
