He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
