Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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