He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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