I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Everything about him screamed your future.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
