Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
