so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
