apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
