just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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