Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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