remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
