You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
