I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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