Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
