I puked a lego.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
