Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
